Self-sabotage is not a birthright or a right-of-passage!! Neither is walking blindly into traffic while yapping on your cell phone or jumping behind the wheel with several chocolate martinis under your belt.
Some things are just plain stupid and irresponsible. Our lives are constructed on choices. Blaming everyone for everything that turned a hard left in your life is as healing as a cold bowl of chicken soup.
Unless you like being a shriveled grape dying on a vine, it’s time to dust the cobwebs off and snatch your life back.
1. Wake up
It’s the day of reckoning. You hate what you see in the mirror. You don’t even recognize the troll looking back. You let yourself go. The defection date escapes your memory. Stop lying to yourself and settling for mediocrity. Rub the sleep out of your eyes. Splash some cold water on your face. Get the hell up!!! Stop waiting for your mate, friend or entourage to jumpstart your recovery. This one is on YOU!!
The longer you vegetate in bed and incessantly feed the pity monster — the longer it will take for you to re-enter civilization. Baby steps are fine. Yep, right out the gate, you may wobble and fall on your ass like a newborn giraffe, but at least you are starting the process. Ignoring the situation is a recipe for disaster. You will continue to feel unsettled and off-kilter; fighting against your spirit that desires peace. It will kindle resentment, anger and smother you in a well of darkness.
Step out of your comfort zone. Running away isn’t the answer. Facing reality takes guts, moxie and courage. Expecting long term sympathy from your family and friends is unrealistic. Everyone has their own problems. Get going with your own fix. But you first must be honest. Who are you? What do you want out of your life? What makes you feel alive? Not having a plan is as effective as nailing Jell-O to the wall. Ask yourself hard questions. It’s never too late to emerge out of the woods. If you do nothing, that’s what you’ll get. Nothing!!! When you’ve had enough, you’ll get busy.
2. Look ahead
Yesterday will eat you up alive if you don’t look forward to tomorrow. What we do today matters most. We all have the same 24 hours to either snore or soar!! We’ve all made bone-headed moves. It’s okay.
Or have been confronted with bad situations. Life does that! Maybe you just got dumped or dumped someone. Maybe you just got fired or left a job you detested. Maybe you decided to stop making excuses and finish getting your college degree. Maybe you decided to spread your wings and move to another city. Change is good, it’s invigorating, especially if the alternative presents you with migraines, nausea and lethargy.
Stop looking in the backseat of your life; rifling through piles of negativity. Figure out what makes you tick so you can feel whole again. Don’t allow past mistakes to hold you hostage for future wins. Stuff happens for reasons often unknown.
Make a list of all the positive things in your life; even if you are feeling miserable and lousy. Be grateful for the lessons learned that will accelerate your growth. And, don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back. Keep your eyes on all the possibilities for self improvement and happiness.
Be mindful of a “what if” philosophy. What if you start to feel better about your existence? What if you believe in yourself and start living again? What if you allow faith to replace fear? What if you prove that being determined is better than giving up? What if you finally give excuses their walking papers?
3. One step at a time
Whoa. Slow down. Too often we are too ambitious with our goals. By that I mean, we go full-throttle and burn out before we get off the launch pad. We’re all over the place; starting everything, not finishing anything and then becoming discouraged.
Do you want to lose weight? Do want to eat healthier; exercise more? Do you want to organize your bills and be a better money manager? Do you want to be more productive at work and improve your time management? Do you need to work on your relationships with others; being less self-centered, impatient and judgmental? Being more loving and present with your family? Do you desire a stronger bond with God?
Prioritize! Make a list; don’t overcomplicate it. I love journals and note pads because I like to write my goals down and use a yellow highlighter to acknowledge the accomplishments. Yes, the same thing can be done on your smart phone in the notebook section. Being visual helps it stick in my head!
4. Mute the haters and dream killers
It’s hard, But practice discernment. Don’t tell everyone all your business. Just do it.
I love this term, ”frenemies,” a nifty hybrid of so-called friends who are stingy with support, envious and in extreme cases will figuratively stab you in the back. Some folks are blatant while others are lurking behind trees waiting to ambush you.
You divulge your plans for self-improvement expecting some cheers. Not crickets and jeers of how it can’t succeed. Why, you ask? Because they’re sitting on their carcasses not doing a damn thing to change their own situations. Misery loves company. Stop wasting your precious time. If you have a few genuine folks in your corner, you are truly blessed. Ride with them!
5. Stop giving away your power
If it matters to you, it matters. Treat yourself with the upmost respect. Put the train back on the rails. Do not ask others for permission to live your best life. Your self-worth is not found in contaminated minds and mouths. Proving others wrong does my heart good. And, it be done humbly without arrogance.
6. Put the brakes on comparing yourself to others
The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others who you think have it all together. Most times they really don’t. We only see what others want us to see. So, behind closed doors, the folks you are drooling about–thinking they’re living the life–might in fact be depressed, on the brink of bankruptcy or their marriage could be on life support. Do what you can control and run your own race. Be patient. No one is better than you and you are better than no one. You are unique and created beautifully to manifest good things in your life.